Long for Me Read online

  “I haven’t even looked at it,” I muttered, tossing my keys onto my table. I pulled my hair off my neck and dropped it again. “I really, don’t feel like going out tonight, Miranda. Can I take a raincheck?”

  “Nope. Something tells me, especially after you see this—” She waved the file and tossed it onto the table. “You need a girls’ night more than ever. So we’re going. The Wasted Bull has a band tonight and we need to get out.” She was already dressed. Skinny jeans, cuffed at the bottoms, showed off her heeled, tan ankle boots. Her top was a cute flannel plaid, knotted at the waist.

  “Wasted Bull?” Damn her. My interested was piqued. I loved that place.

  “Yup. Come on. We’re meeting people there and you can talk to me all about your week at work and why Bennett gave you that contract. Last I heard, he hadn’t claimed a sub in a long time, like years.”

  Ice cream. Netflix. Chinese food delivered. It was all I wanted.

  But perhaps I needed what Miranda was offering. A night to unwind and kick back and release all the stress of the week.

  “Fine.” I huffed. “But I’m not talking about the contract or Bennett or anything to do with sex.”

  “Well, geez. Kill all my fun, would you? Shawn did this thing last night with his tongue—”

  “Ah!” I slammed my hands over my ears and walked to my bedroom. “Not listening!”

  * * *

  The Wasted Bull was a total cliché country bar. Loud, twangy country music, wood floors, wood booths, American Pride flags and memorabilia covered the walls. It even had a mechanical bull, one I’d ridden multiple times.

  I loved the place.

  We were seated at a booth where we could order dinner and it wasn’t until we were seated, Miranda sitting across from me, that I noticed two additional menus had been plopped down next to us.

  “Who else is coming?”

  She was mid-sip in her beer and paused, keeping the glass to her lips. “Hmm?”

  “You said we were kicking me out of my rut when you were at my house and rushing me to get ready and now there’s extra menus. Who else is coming?”

  “Oh.” She shrugged and picked up her menu. Miranda was a lot of things, but tight-lipped wasn’t one of them. “You know, just some friends of mine I want you to meet.”

  “Miranda.”

  “Oh, fine. It’s Haley and Gabby from the club, and before your skin goes any paler than it already is, relax.”

  Relax? She wanted me to do what? I’d been honest with Miranda. I’d told her repeatedly that Bennett and I would never work. We had good sex. Fine, great sex, amazing, unforgettable once in a lifetime sex, but we weren’t compatible in any other area. Sex didn’t make a relationship and when push came to shove, regardless of the way Bennett’s touches made me feel or how I went gooey when he smiled and talked all soft and warm in my ear, I needed more than orgasms from a man.

  “Why would you do this to me?”

  She sipped her beer and smiled. “Because they’re my friends and I needed to get out of the house tonight and I like the band and I like my friends so I wanted to enjoy all of them together. Besides,” she leaned forward and grinned salaciously. “It’s not like we just sit around talking about being whipped and bound and tied up when we’re out.”

  “Which I’ve always said we should do more of.”

  I jumped at the new voice, sloshing beer over the rim of my glass.

  “Gabby, so good to see you. Meet my friend and neighbor, Rebecca Morales,” Miranda said, standing from the booth and hugging the pretty woman. Her platinum blonde hair fell around her shoulders highlighting the metal collar around her throat. I would have known she was a slave from that alone even without what Miranda said next. “Rebecca, this is Gabby, Master Dylan’s partner.”

  “Hello.” I held out my hand, which she took, squeezing it warmly and covering it with her other one.

  “Gabby. Lovely to meet you, Rebecca. Mind if I squeeze in next to you?” I scooted over and she turned to Miranda. “Haley’s on her way, but she texted and said she’s running about fifteen minutes late so not to wait for her to order.”

  The reminder of food made my stomach rumble and I was thankful the noise in the bar was too loud for anyone to hear. I’d been so tied up—figuratively, not literally—all week long I hadn’t eaten well. I was starving and while Miranda and Gabby talked about Haley, someone I vaguely recalled them mentioning as having the flu on New Year’s Eve, I scanned the menu. Burgers and sandwiches, appetizers that all began with deep fried. It all sounded perfect. The fatter, the greasier and the more fried the better I always figured. After I decided what I’d get to eat and set the menu down, I turned to Gabby.

  “So where do you work?” I asked Gabby as I heard her say her place had been busy earlier when she checked in on her way to meet us.

  “I’m the bartender and owner of G’s Bar. Small little place—”

  “On Vail Street,” I interrupted, grinning. “I’ve been there. Love the tin tiled ceilings and graffitied walls. It’s really unique.”

  “Thank you,” she said, smiling so wide her eyes closed a smidge. “I love that you know it. It was my dad’s. I grew up in that place, was there almost as much as I was at home with my mom. When he died a few years back I took it over, so it really makes me feel good that people remember it and like it. What about you? Where do you work?”

  “I’m an assistant at Ashby Enterprises.” Reaching for my drink, I was just taking a sip when she asked, “Oh, so do you know Bennett? He’s a great guy.”

  I coughed over my beer and covered my mouth, glaring daggers at Miranda. “Yes, I’m his assistant actually.”

  “Huh.” Gabby leaned back in the booth and shot me a conspiratorial grin. “What’s he like to work for? I think of Bennett and I imagine all that restrained power—”

  “Gabby,” Miranda cut in. “Not the time.”

  Thank goodness for Miranda. I was relieved, and really, there was no good answer to give Gabby. She shivered when she talked about his power and all I saw in my mind was when he unleashed it.

  “It’s been an experience,” I muttered.

  Gabby reached out and covered my hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I have a tendency to say whatever’s in my head, whether it’s appropriate or not. My brain-to-mouth filter frequently malfunctions.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Wasn’t offended in the least. Bennett and I don’t always get along, that’s all.”

  “Huh,” she said again. “That’s so strange. Everyone I’ve ever talked to thinks he’s pretty easy to get along with it.”

  Ha ha ha. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing. Struggling to keep it in, my thoughts reeling like one of those old videos where movies played in short jerky, bursts, mostly focused on Bennett and his cock and his hands and his lips and his smiles... I grabbed my beer and gulped it.

  “Hi, welcome to Wasted Bull, what can I get for you?” The server asked as she returned. Dressed in short, cropped denim shorts so short her butt was almost visible and a skin-tight red tank top with a WB stitched onto the chest of her shirt, there was little left to the imagination but she was young and cute and perky. Her timing earned her a huge tip from me, too.

  Gabby ordered a beer like Miranda and I and then we placed our dinner orders.

  By the time Gabby’s drink arrived, a tall and thin brunette was at our table, shrugging out of her North Face knee-length puffy coat. I liked her immediately. Every woman north of the Mason-Dixon needed the exact coat. “So sorry I’m late,” she said, huffing like she’d had to run here. She blew into the palms of her hands and fell into the booth next to Miranda.

  Miranda wrapped her arm over her shoulder and squeezed her. “No problem, Haley. We’ve just ordered anyway. And this is my friend Rebecca.”


  We shook hands and said our hellos and listened to Haley talk about the flu and how long it took her to get over. “I swear,” she said, brushing her chocolate hair over her shoulder. “It lasted forever, so long Jensen convinced me to take a pregnancy test. The man’s crazy. And no...” she eyed the table, “... I’m not pregnant. The Long Islands I plan on having tonight will prove it.”

  “Just run down with the resort?” Gabby asked.

  “I don’t think so, it’s just a bug I must have picked up. The resort is pretty calm right now. It hasn’t been cold enough to get out on the ice yet so we’re pretty slow.”

  Conversation flowed easily and happily after that. We talked about our jobs, sprinkling frustration with their men in an “I love them to the death, but if they leave their socks on the floor one more time, I’ll kill them” sort of way.

  We ate our burgers, had a few drinks, laughed loudly and not once was Luminous or kinky sex mentioned. When Miranda said friends of hers from Luminous were joining us, I assumed she’d set up some sort of intervention to talk me into being with Bennett. Now that they hadn’t, I almost wished they would.

  Because I had a sexual contract burning a hole in a file folder on my kitchen table, and I had no idea what in the hell to do about it, except get their help and advice.

  “So,” I said after Gabby got done talking about how she’d had to subdue some linebacker sized male at the bar last night.

  All eyes turned to me and I pushed aside my beer, in an effort not to chug it.

  “What is it, Rebecca?” Miranda asked, smirking.

  “Well, um...” I looked around the table, all eyes on me, and my fear and nerves bubbled and overflowed so I blurted, “I need help knowing what to do about Bennett and the contract he gave me.”

  Silence landed on the table like the apocalypse had just hit until Gabby slammed her hand on the table and bellowed out a laugh, tossing her head back shouting, “Now, this is the kind of girls’ night I’m talking about!”

  She whooped, threw her hand in the air and clapped her hands with glee.

  “I’m not sure my question requires that much raucous.”

  “Oh,” Gabby said, eyes gleaming with delight. She leaned in and whispered knowingly. “That’s where you’re wrong. Every girl’s first time deserves some raucous.”

  “Well, um.” Damn. My throat and cheeks burned and I rubbed my neck to cool it. Was I allergic to beer suddenly? Perhaps the hops or yeast in it? “The thing is, it wouldn’t be our first time.”

  “Bennett took you to bed without a contract?” Haley asked, looking at me curiously. “That’s so unlike him.”

  “He took her home after New Year’s Eve,” Miranda supplied, completely unhelpfully. “I tell you, he wanted her and he was taking her.”

  Oh my God. She hadn’t just said that. Except she did. Gabby threw another laughing fit.

  “This is perfect,” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “The quiet, controlled Dom who’s a complete stickler for rules and safety threw it all out the window for his assistant.”

  When she put it like that, it didn’t exactly sound good.

  “What’s the contract say?” Haley asked. “And what are your concerns with it?”

  She spoke quietly, like she already knew my fears. I focused on her. “Everything, I think. All of it scares me.”

  “Well, let’s hear them.”

  I spilled everything, and I couldn’t blame too much beer. I told them all about my dad, my mom who after he left, turned into an angry manipulative woman who couldn’t stand the sight of me. It wasn’t a hardship to get out of that environment, but there was no way I was going back to that either. So I told them every last detail, my life, my boring dates that led me to take a chance at Luminous in the first place, and then my night with Bennett on New Year’s. I finished it up with the rollercoaster of a week I’d dealt with since then and the contract he’d left on my desk without a word.

  “So?” I asked, when three women were all staring at me, gaping.

  I expected advice. I expected laughter and demands to sign the contract. I expected something helpful.

  Instead, Haley turned to Miranda. “Wanna go ride the mechanical bull with me?”

  She scooted toward Haley and pushed her out of the booth. “Yup.” She waved her hand. “See you girls later.”

  “What?” I said, and Gabby placed her hand over mine.

  “Don’t worry. I think that means they’re letting me handle this one.”

  Well, all righty then. “Can I ask why?”

  She laughed and then took a sip of her beer, waving it in the air to get the server’s attention. “Because I’m good at it.” She turned to me and winked. “In all honesty, our club at Luminous is one huge, typical dysfunctional family and since I’ve been with Dylan since it opened, most of the other subs look to me like their mama sub.” Her brow wrinkled. “Which sounds weird, but you get my point I think.”

  “I do.” The waitress returned and set another round of drinks on the table, clearing the empties efficiently. “Thank you,” I said, before she walked away and grabbed my drink. “So? What do I do?”

  “Be honest with yourself.” She shrugged and grabbed her drink. “That’s all.”

  I waited for more explanation, more sage advice. Instead of giving me what I desperately needed, some direction for crying out loud, she nudged my arm with her elbow. “Check out Miranda riding the bull.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  Miranda was flailing one arm in the air, arching and bowing her back along with the bucking motions of the fake bull and I glared at Gabby.

  The crowd cheered, and I assumed Miranda had either fallen or surpassed the time limit but I didn’t bother checking. I was stuck on Gabby.

  “They left you here to talk to me and help me and that’s all you have to give me?” I hissed and twisted in the booth, blocking her view of the next rider.

  She shrugged. “Sure. The thing is, you wouldn’t have gone to Luminous if you weren’t curious. You wouldn’t have asked Miranda a gazillion questions over the last couple of years if you didn’t think about BDSM. If you truly believed Bennett was abusive, you never would have allowed him to take you home and I think you’re pretty determined to do the right thing so you also wouldn’t have continued working for a man if you thought, deep down, he wanted to beat the hell out of his women. You escaped a shitty life and not to be rude, but you’re not the first and you won’t be the last. But, what you have done is become successful on your own, and you have broken the cycle of men you’re attracted to. In fact, I have a feeling that in addition to asking Miranda all those questions, you’ve done your own research. I’ll further bet the next round of drinks that it made you wet and you masturbated afterward.” She winked. “And that’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

  I opened my mouth to rebuke her and then snapped my mouth shut so hard my teeth clicked. Perhaps she was more perceptive than I was giving her credit for. I had done all those things.

  “And,” she continued, “You’re interested but you’re scared and you’re completely attracted to Bennett. That’s your honesty. So, my suggestion is to be honest with yourself and then read the contract and talk to Bennett.”

  She had to be joking. “Talk to him? You want me to just, what, show up at work on Monday, and say, ‘hey, let’s discuss this’?”

  “He’s your Dom, Rebecca, or he wants to be. Women are great, we can give you advice and I’ll always be here for you to answer any questions you have or help you, but only you and Bennett know how you and Bennett are and what you need. My guess? That contract you’re too terrified to look at says exactly what you’re hoping it says, and he’s tailor-made it knowing you as well as he does. Give him a chance, and talk to him. If you’re daring enough, as strong as I think you are
, then go for it. Wanting to submit isn’t the same as being a doormat and I think you’ve done enough looking into the lifestyle to see that.” She waved her hand toward Miranda, eyes on me as she smiled at our friend. “And you definitely know Miranda isn’t one.”

  When she put it that way, everything seemed so reasonable, exactly like Bennett had made it seem.

  I grabbed my coat next to me and folded it over my arms in my lap. “If you’ll excuse me, will you let Miranda know I took a cab home? I have some reading to do.”

  Gabby laughed softly. “Go get him, girl.”

  I wasn’t sure I was ready for that, yet, but she spoke again. “And don’t forget to give us all the naughty, fun details.”

  I definitely wasn’t ready for that.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Rebecca

  Dominate and submissive Agreement entered into this date of:

  This contract is an agreement which defines the power exchange and interaction between the below mentioned individuals. This agreement is entered voluntarily with both parties agreeing to the following conditions.

  The intent of this agreement is to set forth clear boundaries as well as outline expectations on both submissive and Dominant.

  This contract may be altered at any time with the acceptance of both Dominant and submissive by signing a new contract together. Signatures at the end of this contract ensure that both parties have entered willingly into this agreement, that they both agree to the sane, safe and consensual roles outlined below. This contract will expire three months from the date the contract is signed.

  The Dominant’s role

  Dominant will care for submissive’s physical safety, emotional and mental well-being.

  Dominant commits to treating, training, disciplining and caring for submissive in manner as He sees fit.

  Dominant will always be open to the submissive’s concerns and thoughts, and will encourage open dialogue of any concerns regarding her submission, His Domination, or any punishments He declares necessary.