Long for Me Read online

  “You always make this sound so damn rational,” she grumbled.

  I stepped back so she could get off the desk. She adjusted her skirt, smoothed down her shirt and glared at her red panties on the carpet.

  “I told you before it doesn’t have to be difficult.” She stepped around me and I reached for her, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her back to my chest. “Do you have something to say to your Dom, sub?”

  “Thank you for the orgasm, sir.”

  “Thank you for pleasing me, Rebecca. I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t regret it. You have my word.”

  I kissed her throat. Goose bumps spread in my wake, and I let her go.

  “Now go get cleaned up. We have a busy day today and neither of us will be working late tonight.”

  She spun out of my hold. “We’re not?”

  “No. I’m taking you to dinner where we’ll talk, and then I’m taking you to my home so I can fuck you.”

  * * *

  We were tucked into a back booth at Boondox, a sports bar I frequented with some buddies of mine when we wanted a drink or two or had the urge to shout at one of the thirty televisions always playing sports. When we entered, Rebecca’s eyes had widened, as if surprised I’d bring her to someplace so laid-back and basic. Which was exactly why we were eating there. She thought I was some stuck up arrogant asshole who dressed in designer suits and my life was filled with five-star restaurants and two hundred dollar bottles of whiskey. That was definitely a part of it, mostly for business purposes. To be successful, you had to surround yourself with successful people and I worked a charity gala just as easily as I worked a place like Boondox where they encouraged tossing empty peanut shells to the floor.

  We were also eating there because my condo was just around the corner so once we ate and we’d gotten some conversation out of the way, I wouldn’t have to wait long to get her naked.

  I cracked another peanut shell while she read the menu. She hadn’t said much all day after I ate her out on my desk. She’d been focused on work, not avoiding me, but quiet. After convincing her to leave her car at work, assuring her I’d get her home in the morning with plenty of time to get ready for work, she agreed with a slight glint in her eye.

  A glint which said she hoped the night led to more of what I’d given her that morning.

  Orgasms. Dozens of them if I could manage it. And now I was enjoying the thrill of anticipation I could physically feel rolling off her.

  I cracked another shell and popped a peanut into my mouth. “You know what you’re going to order?”

  She set the menu down and reached for her water. “What do you usually get here?”

  “Double bacon cheeseburger loaded with fried onion rings, and a salad because my mom drilled it into me to eat my veggies.” That last part was total bullshit, but it made her smile and her shoulders relaxed. “What are you going to have?”

  She sipped her water and set it back on the table, tapping the menu. “Um, is there something you’d prefer I ordered?” As she spoke, she glanced toward the bar of the restaurant, not making eye contact and a blush hit her cheeks.

  Ah. That’s what was making her quiet. That had to end.

  “Rebecca.” She brought her gaze to mine slowly. “Do you want me to make those decisions for you?”

  Her nose scrunched like what I’d said smelled like sour milk. “Not really.”

  “Then tell me what you want to eat so I can be a gentleman and order for you.”

  She blinked and looked down at the menu, grinning as she dragged her blue eyes back to me. “I feel like I should be a lady, or do some girl thing when we’re on dates and order a salad, but what you suggested sounds really yummy. Except more onion rings instead of a salad, because unlike your mom, mine didn’t teach me much of anything, especially not the importance of vegetables.”

  She pulled her lips to the side, chewing on the inside of her cheek and took another large drink of water.

  I pushed the bowl of peanuts closer to her and placed our menus at the edge of the table. “What’s your mom like?”

  Rebecca eyed the menus, then dragged her gaze to mine and sighed. “Can we wait? It’s a long story.”

  “Are you ready to order?” The server asked, stepping up to our table.

  I winked at Rebecca. “Saved by the bell, huh?” Turning to the server, I placed our orders and once she walked away, I turned back to Rebecca. “So. Now that we have time, care to tell me?”

  She ran her hand through her hair. “My mom. She’s well, not much of a mom, I guess.” A distant expression flashed in her eyes and she shrugged. “There’s not too much to say. She wasn’t a good mom, she didn’t protect me when she should have, and when there was no reason to protect me, she never exactly cared whether I was around or not. So when I could, I left.”

  So much information without giving any specifics. It had to be a gift she had. It also told me more than she thought it did.

  “Your dad?” I pressed, and watched her stiffen from the question.

  “I don’t like to talk about him.”

  So she had shitty parents, a father figure who I assumed was absolutely not a parental figure. The first man in her life who should have shown her an ounce of respect and love and kindness and chivalry, didn’t exist.

  “I’m sorry.” I leaned forward and took her hand in mine. I flipped hers over, rubbing my thumb along the lines of her palm. “Do you know why I’m asking you this?”

  “To get to know me.”

  I shook my head. “Nope.” I continued running my thumb against her soft flesh and lifted my gaze to meet hers. “In BDSM, there are a lot of factors that come into play when you, as a submissive, are putting your trust in your Dom. One part of negotiations and contracts which I didn’t bring up before is asking you about your past. I need to know what could trigger you during a scene to ensure that you’re able to give me you.”

  She blinked and looked over my shoulder. At least I was learning her tells. When she didn’t want to talk about something, she looked to her right. That’d come in handy.

  “I don’t want to talk about it now.” Her voice went soft, broken and raw.

  I could give her that play, bring it up later, but I had plans for later.

  “Rebecca.” When she looked at me, I stopped brushing my thumb against her hand and held it firmly but gently in mine. “I want you to know, whether we’re in public or at work, whether we’re playing sexually, watching a movie or lounging in bed, or I’m fucking you against the railing of my balcony, you are always safe with me. Always.”

  Fire-red singed her cheeks and her pulse picked up beneath my grip.

  “You mentioned the other day about never letting a man have control of you. Who abused it before?”

  Her eyes narrowed at me and formed lasers. Weaker men had probably shrunken back from the lethalness in her look. Not me, though. “You don’t pull any punches, do you?”

  “Not when it comes to something this important. You need to trust me. You give me that every time you obey something I command. I can’t be an effective Dom if I don’t know what minefield I’m walking beforehand. It’s uncomfortable and hard for you, that’s obvious, but it’s also necessary since you signed our contract.”

  She tried to pull her hand out from my grip but I tightened my hold on her. Not hurting her, but whatever she needed to say would be easier to take if I was holding her in some way.

  She grabbed her water glass. It shook in her hand as she drank from it. Wetting her lips, she sighed.

  “My dad took off when I was young. He left the day after my eighth birthday but my birthday present from him was a black-eye.”

  My chest burned like a branding iron was pressed against it. “What?”

  Her gaze dropped. I allowed her to take
the distance she was putting between us. Her fingernails dug into the back of my hand and I gave her that too. If she needed to cause me pain to get through hers, I’d take it times a million.

  “I think he’d beaten any real life out of my mom before I was ever born. She was always weak around him. My first vivid memory is waking up at night, carrying my yellow blanket down the stairs to ask for water and my dad punched her. She fell to the ground and he kicked her in the stomach.”

  Tear-filled eyes hit mine and I sucked in a breath to keep from losing the hold on my own anger. A man who beat a woman, a little fucking girl, was no man.

  She sniffed and swiped beneath her eyes. “He still had his pointed dress shoes on. Anyway, that continued for years. It was all I knew of him. After that I was terrified of him, and slowly I understood why my mom always walked hunched over. She would say she didn’t sleep well, or she had a bad back but by the time I was six, I’d seen too much. It was around that age he slapped me for the first time.”

  “Rebecca—”

  “I know you say BDSM isn’t about beating and abuse, but I don’t know if I fully believe it yet.”

  “Yet you came to Luminous, and you signed the contract.”

  She laughed, but it was cold. As chilling as the rawness in her story. “Yeah, well the sex is good and Miranda and Shawn talked me into Luminous.”

  Stunned, I let go of her hand and sat back in the booth. The hell? “Are you saying you don’t want this? That, what? I’m your experiment to see if I’m just a woman beater in disguise?” Fury and frustration prickled my spine, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t use women. Hell, I’d made myself completely clear with the fact I wouldn’t even take a paddle to her unless she asked for it.

  She was saved from having to answer me because the waitress arrived. Our plates were on the table and we assured the waitress we didn’t need anything further, even if I’d kill for another damn drink to burn out the anger inside me.

  “It’s not that,” Rebecca finally said.

  “Then explain it.” Because fuck if I understood.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Rebecca

  I hadn’t intended to tell him anything. Bennett was never going to be on my list of confidantes about my past, but like always, what he said about needing to know my background and what could trigger me during a scene made rational sense.

  I hadn’t expected to feel a heat ignite off him like he’d been set on fire by my match. I hadn’t meant to hurt him.

  “I didn’t mean...” Damn, he flustered me. His change in demeanor heated the air and I rubbed my arms to erase the funny feeling climbing against my skin. “Fine, you know what? Yeah, it started out that way, not with you. I don’t understand your need to control everything.”

  “Yet you’re friends with Miranda and Shawn.”

  “Well, yeah.” My shoulders fell and I gulped the rest of my water. “Okay, you want the truth?”

  He shot me a look I didn’t need to interpret.

  “The truth, is that I was scared senseless when I first learned what Miranda and Shawn were into. I walked into their playroom by accident and lost my shit, tried to get Miranda to leave him immediately. Since then, she’s talked about it a lot. I’ve studied them for any signs of abuse.”

  “And what’d you find?”

  I shoved a hand through my hair and groaned. God, he was so damn pushy. “I like Shawn. I think he treats Miranda like a queen.”

  “And?”

  If I could have reached him without making a scene, I would have wiped the smirk off his face.

  “And she likes it. But I still don’t understand it. And I meant what I said the other day. I don’t ever want to give that kind of control to a man.”

  “Yet you agreed to my contract.”

  I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. My mouth opened and snapped closed several times like a frustrated fish. Even while I’d spent the weekend debating signing the contract, or when I debated whether or not to drop to my knees that morning to beg him, I still wasn’t one hundred percent certain I was confident with what I was doing. I was more assuming it’d become clear why I wanted it as time went on.

  “You want to hear why I think you signed it? Why you dropped to your knees this morning and spread your legs and let me lick your pussy?”

  “Why?” I croaked.

  He leaned forward and rested his arms on the table, getting as close as he possibly could. “Because you want it. Because when I was reddening your ass last week, you fucking enjoyed it even though you don’t understand why you did, and the truth is, the why doesn’t matter. Who gives a shit why you like to be bossed around? Who cares why my hand landing on your beautiful backside makes you soaking wet? You signed that contract because you enjoyed that for an hour or two, you were finally able to let go, to trust in someone, and to not have to worry about anything when you’ve spent your entire life locked up in worry and fear. I gave you that freedom.”

  God. It sounded exactly right. I shoved an onion ring into my mouth.

  “That’s right Rebecca.” He chuckled evilly. “Eat your dinner. You’re going to need your stamina later when I’m fucking you so hard you’re seeing stars.”

  Warmth flushed my cheeks and entirely different heat sparked arousal at my core. I rubbed my thighs together to quell the ache his words created deep inside me.

  I tucked into my burger, keeping my eyes on my plate while I ate in order to avoid more conversation with Bennett. Somehow, even when he was asking questions, getting to know me, he was still controlling everything.

  I needed to hold on to some form of it before surrendering everything to him.

  He allowed my silence until I ate and swallowed my last bite of burger. The waitress stopped by, refilled our water, and after she walked away, Bennett pushed his plate away from him.

  “You going to back out on me?”

  Good God. He just jumped right in.

  “No,” I replied. “I’m not. I told you this morning that I’m scared, but I’m also curious.”

  I lifted my gaze and it landed on deliciously full lips lifted into a quirky grin. Amused but interested, and I realized that was often how he looked at me lately. Sure, he was still a bit surly, rough and cocky and arrogant, but when his gaze landed on me, it softened in that same way it did when he was diving hard and deep inside me.

  “Good. We done now, then? Because I’ve had plans for you running through my mind once I finally get you into my bed and I’m done waiting. Last chance to back out, Rebecca.”

  A part of me wanted to. The part of me that was more curious and excited, said, “I’m not backing out.”

  “Good.” He slid out of the booth and stood, taking my hand and pulling me with him. I grabbed my coat and he took it from me. “Turn around and let me help you.” I put my back to him and he helped me into my coat, grabbing my hair and pulling it out from the back of my collar. He squeezed my shoulders and massaged them. “Don’t be nervous, sweetheart. I’ll make it good for you I promise.”

  A shiver zipped down my spine like a lightning strike and before I could say anything, he took my hand and led me out of Boondox.

  Right to his condo.

  Where he wanted to boss me around and spank me and give me multiple orgasms.

  What in the hell had I gotten myself into?

  * * *

  Bennett’s condo was larger than large. As soon as we entered I was stunned into silence by the entire far wall. All windows from floor to ceiling, I could tell they wrapped around the entire length of his apartment. The river separating the Grand Rapids East from West flowed along one side, I-131 on the other, his view wasn’t only impressive, but massive and majestic.

  “Holy shit,” I muttered, dropping my purse onto a table. I took three more steps forward and Bennett
was at my back, peeling my coat off my shoulders. “I mean, I figured your place would be nice, but I wasn’t expecting this.”

  Rich, deep cherry colored cabinets and matching shining wood floors guided me into a kitchen and open living space. Outside, a balcony wrapped around the corner of his condo until it disappeared from my sight.

  I spun and gaped at Bennett. “You live in a palace.”

  He laughed softly. His quiet rumble sent a spark of interest in my deepest places and I looked away. “It’s just a condo.”

  Just a condo my ass. I was fascinated with architecture. When I was a kid, I’d save money from babysitting jobs and purchase stupid magazines that had beautiful homes and floorplans on the inside. As a teenager, I’d tear them out and tuck them away in the safety of my desk, dreaming of the day I could live in a home like one of them.

  Bennett’s was nothing like the ramshackle home I grew up in, or the modest two-bedroom I bought, or the two-story mansions that dripped with wealth. It was modern and traditional, a mixture that shouldn’t have gone together but somehow worked.

  “Can you give me a tour?”

  He nodded. “Want a glass of wine while I show you around or anything else to drink?”

  I’d had water all night but there was a lot of night left. I didn’t want to be drunk when Bennett made good on the proclamations he’d spoken at dinner, but one wouldn’t hurt.

  “Wine please. Red if you have it.”

  He dropped his keys on the counter and shrugged out of his suit coat. Loosening his tie, he unknotted it, but left it on and popped the top button of his collar. “Follow me, Rebecca, and all your dreams will come true.”

  Stepping just past the kitchen, he pointed down a hallway. “Down there is my office and my exercise room,” He teased me with a wink. “Before you think that’s insane or give me shit, it’s a guest room. I just put my weights and workout crap in it.”

  His playful side wasn’t one I saw much of, but I couldn’t argue that I liked it.