Long for Me Page 17

  I removed my thumb from her mouth and pushed up her flannel, ugly ass pajama top until the globes of her ass, the dimples just above them were exposed to me.

  “Fifteen spankings. You’ll count them, and don’t for one-second think you can get off during this. This is your punishment for driving me furious and mad with worry this afternoon.”

  I rained down my first spanking harshly, the burn of her flesh meeting my palm singing into my skin.

  “Damn!” she shouted. Her fingers curled into the cushions beneath her as she jolted forward. “One, sir. Fuck!”

  “Good job, honey.” I soothed her ass with my hand, massaged both of her luscious cheeks, warmed them and prepared her for me. “I’m going to like this. You’re so damn wet, you could come already couldn’t you?”

  I didn’t give her time to answer. I spanked her again in the same spot I’d already done and she pressed forward against the arm of the couch. After she counted, I kicked her feet wider. “Don’t even think of grinding yourself off on the couch, Rebecca.”

  She barked a noise of dissatisfaction at me and closed her eyes.

  That wouldn’t do. When I couldn’t get a hold of her for hours, learned she’d left the meeting and never returned to the office, the rational part of my brain fled and a hundred worst-case scenarios ran through my mind.

  Curling one of my hands around her hips, I yanked her off the arm of the couch and held her while I spanked her two more times, hitting each cheek in rapid succession.

  “Sir!” She cried, counting again. “Please.”

  “I know. You want my dick in you to make it better, don’t you?”

  She didn’t answer and I spanked her two more times, quickly, harshly, expecting her to cry out. Instead, she breathed in deeply, counted, and with a gaze so damn soft it melted me, replied, “Yes, sir. I do.”

  Tears swam in her eyes and dripped down her cheeks. “Please, sir. I’m sorry, sir.”

  “I know you are.” Fuck. If she was manipulating me into stopping it was working. Before I could let her have the top, I finished the spankings. But damn if I didn’t lighten them enough to drive her insane with desire and not with pain. She counted everyone, used impeccable manners.

  I landed the fifteenth spanking, more soothing and teasing than any other, drained of all my need to punish her.

  She sighed, a soft hitch to her breath that went straight to my balls. “Fifteen, sir. Thank you, sir.”

  My hand on her hip wedged between her front and the couch. My thumb brushed against her clit. “You’ll come, won’t you? You want it so bad.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  God, she was breathless. Tears dripped down her cheeks, to the column of her throat. Her cheeks were cherry colored to match her lips and she’d never been more beautiful to me.

  I leaned over her, kissed away her tears. “Come then, my beautiful, beautiful little sub. Come for me.” I ran my thumb over her clit, swiping it gently over her swollen, hot and wet flesh. It took moments before she cried out.

  Her back arched, her mouth opened wide and as she screamed her pleasure, I covered her mouth with mine, swallowing every one of her cries.

  “You okay?” I asked, once she’d come down. Her scent invaded me, and I kissed her throat, her cheeks, everywhere I could touch while she collapsed into the couch.

  “Yes, thank you.”

  I kissed her nose and brushed hair that had escaped from a pile on her head off her cheeks, tucking it behind her ears. “Don’t ever scare me like that again. Okay?”

  She blinked harshly before sliding her brown eyes to mine. “Okay.”

  “Good.” I stood and stepped back, adjusting my dick and bit back a groan. “Go get yourself cleaned up. When you come back, we’ll talk.”

  I helped her off the couch, massaging her lower back as I guided her to her feet and then bent and snagged her flannel pants off the floor. I looked around. “What happened to your panties?”

  She took the pajama pants out of my hands and winked saucily. “I’m not wearing any.”

  She skittered out of my reach before I could toss her back to the couch and sink inside her, hurrying to the bathroom.

  With her gone, I had a few minutes to compose myself. Shoving my hands through my hair, I scanned her apartment. There was a plastic container of food on the counter, telling me she ate. A bottle of wine was opened, cork on the counter next to it, and a glass of wine on the kitchen table. The bottle was barely empty so she hadn’t drunk too much.

  But it was what was next to the glass of wine on the table that grabbed my attention.

  I sauntered to it, picked up the neon orange file folder stamped with Jakobs’s company logo and flipped it open.

  And all the anger and insanity that had evaporated once I got my hands on Rebecca’s ass returned tenfold.

  What the fuck?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Rebecca

  Oh my God, oh my God, oh my GAWD.

  There was something seriously wrong with me. And that wrongness had nothing to do with my rapidly beating heart, pounding against my ribs so harshly I could have been having a heart attack. No, the wrongness in me was deep.

  It’d been buried there long ago, when my dad walked in from work after another day at the car dealership where he hadn’t sold a darn thing, asked my mom what was for dinner and when he didn’t like her answer—leftovers—backhanded her across her cheek so hard she flew to the floor.

  The wrongness in me was that it didn’t matter how infuriated I was with Bennett, or how much he’d hurt me. He walked into my house, all scowls and bossiness and demands and I’d listened to every single one, and freaking loved his hand landing on my ass, punishing me like I’d stolen cookies after dinner when I already hadn’t been allowed dessert.

  But fuck, it wasn’t just his demands, either. It was the guttural tone in his voice, the way he truly sounded sincere when he’d been worried sick about me. How he’d promised we’d talk.

  How when he kissed me, it didn’t feel wrong at all.

  It felt better than perfect.

  It was right. Like home and safety and damn it, how did he manage to twist me up so much? And how could I go from being so angry to so filled with the need to come I could burst, and then tease him, refill my sass and jaunt away from him like what we’d just done had all been so perfectly natural and easy and not only that, but precious.

  I needed wine. Loads of it, and I never wanted to drink to where I couldn’t remember my name. I was more of a stress-eater than stress-drinker, but good grief.

  Bennett seemed to bring out all the worst of me.

  “The best parts, too,” I muttered, glancing at myself in the mirror after I washed up. It was the devil and the angel on my shoulder, only I didn’t know which was which anymore.

  Cheeks flushed, hair wild, eyes glazed, was it a good thing I looked this manic after he spanked me and made me orgasm?

  Undoing my hair, I fluffed it and combed through the still-wet curls with my fingers, smoothing out the ends. I splashed cold water on my face and stood up.

  He wanted to talk. We’d talk. Then, I’d take a night or a weekend and figure out if this was truly what I wanted. Perhaps my mind had turned to mush after so many orgasms in only a few days. I was just too unused to all the endorphins and oxytocin flooding my system.

  But a night of alcohol and conversation and then space would help.

  Determined to figure out why I succumbed to him so easily, I opened the bathroom door and hurried to the kitchen where I’d left Bennett. When I walked in, I stopped.

  He was at the kitchen table, a fresh glass of wine sitting next to his hand. Both hands braced on either side of the Jakobs file, which was flung open. His shoulders were bunched and his head was bowed as he skewered the papers
with a harsh glare.

  I made a surprised noise and his head snapped up, that skewering glare landing on me. “What in the fuck is this?”

  He punctuated every word, each syllable a bomb preparing to detonate. Standing to his full height, he took the glass and brought it to his lips, taking a large swallow without blinking or removing that steely gaze from me.

  “I don’t actually know,” I said, walking into the kitchen but smart enough to walk around the table to get to my discarded wine glass. “I haven’t looked at it yet.”

  He stared at me like I’d grown a second head. Perhaps I had. One was sane and controlled. My new one was wild and well, insane! I poured more wine into my glass and sipped it, ignoring how my hand trembled.

  “You’re telling me you went to a meeting today, a meeting I sent you to with Jakobs, I might add, and you came home with this folder from him and you have no idea what’s in it?”

  I forced my eyes to stay on his and not glance at the folder. I was curious, yeah. I was really, really curious about the contents. Still, I shrugged. “I know it’s a job offer. I just haven’t looked at it yet.”

  “Why not?” he clipped.

  “Because I told him I needed time to consider it.”

  His brows jumped in shock. “You need time? You’re actually considering this?”

  Physical pain hit him. It rolled off him and lashed across his features. He dropped his head, scrubbed the back of his neck with one hand while murmuring something I couldn’t hear.

  The sudden urge to go to him, comfort him, assailed me but I dug my heels into the carpet and kept my distance.

  As if he knew the struggle going on in my body, he lifted his head, shoulders slumping as he heaved a heavy breath. “This why you didn’t come back to the office today? Why you turned off your phone?”

  “It’s a part of it.”

  Without taking his gaze off mine, holding me prisoner in my place by his glare alone, he reached over and flicked the file closed. “What’s the other part?”

  “I wanted some space, to consider everything.”

  “Everything?” Two thick, black brows arched into two perfect points. The slowness of his movements paralyzed me. God damn it. Even trying to move away from him, desperately wanting it, I was still captive to him. He’d shed his suit coat at some point, unbuttoned and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. His tie was gone, shirt unbuttoned, and he was simply glorious.

  Veins I couldn’t wait to have the time to run my tongue along rose on his forearms and the backs of his hands.

  He took a step toward me. One small step that was as smooth as a cat but the tension in his jaw belied his relaxed posture. “What do you mean by everything, Rebecca?”

  “You,” I choked. “I needed space from you and who I become when I’m with you.”

  Surprised flashed in his eyes. I expected it to turn to anger, instead, he did the opposite.

  An amused smirk twisted his lips and he took another step forward, crossed his arms over his chest. “Me? You don’t like who you become around me?” He gestured toward the living room behind us, and my pulse fluttered. “You just bent over your couch, allowed me to spank you, you came more spectacularly than any woman I’ve ever been with, and you want space from that?”

  “Yes.” Damn him! His words. He knew what to do to evoke a response from me, and it was never the one I wanted. But it was always honest. Shit!

  “Liar.” He closed the space between us before I could add distance. His arms brushed against my breasts sending fissures of delight to my nipples and then his hands were at my waist, gently, softly. “You are such a little liar, Rebecca. You don’t want space from me, you’re simply terrified of how I make you feel.”

  “I’m not.” I searched for words but my brain had emptied of everything rational. See? This was why I needed space from him. He scrambled my brain into mush and I became this biddable toy he could move at his whim.

  It was infuriating.

  His hand slid up my side until his palm rested at my neck. His thumb swiped along my jaw until it rested at my pulse. “You can’t hide your truth from me. Your pulse is beating out of control. Either you’re so angry you want to kick me in the balls, or you want me so badly you’re trying not to rip off my clothes.”

  Insufferable prick. “You...” I growled.

  “Are handsome, intelligent, and most of all—” He leaned down, eyes inches from mine, and they narrowed to angry slits. “I’m your Dom, Rebecca. You cannot lie to me and you cannot hide from me. You think I don’t know what you’re thinking?”

  “You have no idea.”

  He ignored me. “You are fearful that I’m turning you into your mother. You hate that you can be so pissed off at me, yet drop your pants and give me your ass simply because I desire it. You’re riddled with guilt and fear and have twisted something beautiful into something ugly and I won’t allow it. You have safe words, I even reminded you of them earlier, and you still chose to submit.”

  “Yeah, but that’s because—”

  “You love the way I make you feel.”

  God. My heart. It was so fast, my blood was boiling.

  “You make me feel out of control.”

  His other hand pressed against my neck until he was cupping me. Still so tender, so soft, so undeniably sexy and mind-boggling.

  With his thumbs at the soft skin beneath my chin, he tilted my head back, met my gaze and brushed his lips over mine. “That’s the first honest thing you’ve said since I stepped foot into your house. Don’t lie to me, Rebecca, you’re shit at it. Now tell me what’s going on in your head and why you’re considering leaving me.”

  I dropped my gaze until I was staring at his throat. No way could I be honest while looking into eyes that were fathomless pits able to read me so clearly. “It’s just a job.”

  “Bullshit.” His fingertips tightened. “It’s not a job, it’s me. And if you want to end our contract, you know what to say to do it. This game is beneath you.”

  “It’s not a game.” My limbs trembled as I tried to gather my thoughts. With shaking hands, I gripped his forearms between us to steady myself. Since he could see through me, I threw everything at him. I had enough baggage to send him running far away. “I’ve already told you this, but the first memory I have of my father is him punching my mom so hard, she fell to the kitchen floor. It was gray, and I know that doesn’t matter, but it’s strange the things I remember seeing right before his foot landed in her gut.”

  “Rebecca—”

  “But that wasn’t the worst, because after he stole all our money, cleared out our bank accounts, he left me with a woman who was so beaten down, emotionally and physically, he took off and left us with nothing and my mother quit being such a punching bag and instead, turned all her venom on me.”

  “You told me she didn’t hit you.”

  I glared at him. “There’s a lot of ways to hit someone without fists, and my mom might not have used hers, but her words were venomous enough.”

  “You left that, Rebecca. That makes you strong and someone to admire, not someone to cower.”

  “But I’m putting myself, willingly, and enjoyably if you want the truth, right back into the situation I escaped from.”

  His hands swept to my shoulders and back up to my cheeks. Chill bumps followed the wake of his hands until my entire body shivered.

  “You’re wrong.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Have I hurt you in any way that didn’t arouse you? Have I treated you in a way that has ever said I don’t respect you? When have I hurt you to hurt you and not to arouse you? That’s the difference with Dominance versus abuse, Rebecca. I don’t spank you or bind you or tell you what to do to cause you pain or because I’m angry. I do it because when you scrape away all the bullshit, sometim
es kinky sex is just a turn on and when two people enjoy it, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

  I pushed his hands away from me and stepped back. “But don’t you see? It is the same to me. It’s all muddled together and I’m so far tied to you that I can’t see the difference.”

  “And you trusted me to show you that part when you signed that contract and dropped to your knees in my office. I’ve done nothing to break that.”

  He hadn’t this week, but he was planning on it tomorrow.

  “I think I’ve changed my mind.”

  He laughed softly, instead of growling in anger. God, this man was so infuriating and he wasn’t listening! “Bullshit. You’re scared because of what you feel when you’re with me. But you don’t need to be. I bring out everything wild inside of you.”

  He wanted honesty? Fine. I’d give him that. “Don’t you see? You’ve turned me into some crazed, wild woman and it’s only been days. It is terrifying.”

  “It doesn’t have to be, damn it. There’s a wild that’s nasty and rabid and will eat you alive, disease you if you unleash it, but there’s also a wild that I have, Rebecca. A wild where you live without fear and without regret. A wild where you don’t trudge through life, but you experience every breathtaking moment. You grab it with both hands while you walk this Earth and you don’t just do it living, you do it being alive.”

  “And when you get tired of teaching me how to live?” My voice wavered and I looked away, crossing my arms over my stomach. God. I hated showing him how vulnerable I could be.

  He threw his head back and laughed and I snapped to him. “You are crazy.” Still laughing, he wrapped an arm around my lower back and pulled me to him. He jerked me so harshly, my hands flew to his hips. “Do you honestly think that I could get tired of you? I could mine your depths for all your secrets for the rest of my life and I will never become bored with you.”

  Holy shit. Did he just say that?

  “Bennett—”

  “Yeah, Rebecca. I said it. And I mean every word. You have nothing, nothing, to be afraid of when it comes to me. I promise you.”