Long for Me Read online

  Long for Me

  By Stacey Lynn

  My boss already controls my days; do I want to give him my nights, as well?

  Rebecca

  I’ve seen what happens when you give everything to a man. That’s not what I want. I won’t have my heart crushed in anyone’s fist.

  Then he changed everything.

  Him. Bennett Ashby. My boss.

  Seeing him at Luminous, dressed in leather pants and wielding a whip...

  Do I crave this?

  My mind says no, but my body is starting to have very different ideas.

  Bennett

  I knew Rebecca Morales would be the perfect assistant. That’s why I hired her.

  I didn’t know that working with her every day would lead to temptation—to own her, to possess her.

  When she walked into Luminous, I knew I was screwed. Dipping your pen in the company ink is never smart, but we both agreed what happens at the club stays there.

  One night and then it’s back to business tomorrow.

  Except I don’t want just one night with Rebecca. I want them all.

  This book is approximately 73,000 words

  One-click with confidence. This title is part of the Carina Press Romance Promise: all the romance you’re looking for with an HEA/HFN. It’s a promise!

  Carina Press acknowledges the editorial services of Penny Barber

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Acknowledgments

  Also by Stacey Lynn

  About the Author

  Chapter One

  Rebecca

  I stretched my back to work out the kinks. Six o’clock on New Year’s Eve and the office was practically deserted. And I was still at my desk, a mountain of paperwork in front of me because my boss, Bennett Ashby, had decided to completely overhaul the retirement development we were proposing later in the week.

  With four days of work to complete in two, I couldn’t even consider stopping for the day. I still had to redo the schematics and the budget to reflect the changes Bennett had demanded when he tossed the files on my desk a mere two hours ago.

  I was determined to get a decent jumpstart before I shut down my computer so I didn’t have to come in too early in the morning. At least that way, Bennett couldn’t give me grief for slacking off. I figured it wouldn’t matter to him that tomorrow was technically a holiday and I wasn’t required to come in. When it came to Bennett, what he said went. Which made sense considering he was the President of Ashby Enterprises, named after his father who started the company. But Bennett and I went together like oil and water. Regardless of how hard I worked, how efficiently I ran his schedule and his life, nothing was ever good enough for him.

  He was short-tempered and rude to me on the best of days, but throwing this much work at me so late in the afternoon and the night before a holiday took the cake, even for him.

  Except for when he called me in on Christmas, anyway. I was beginning to think Bennett Ashby didn’t know the word vacation. Amazing, considering he was generally highly intelligent.

  I mean, who wanted to work New Year’s Day?

  No one. And especially not me, even if I didn’t have any smashingly exciting New Year’s plans to get to. But since Thanksgiving, I’d had a day of relaxation and stress relief planned. I was going to ring in the new year alone in my quiet house with the remote in one hand and bags of all my favorite junk spread out on my coffee table like a buffet, doing absolutely nothing except sleeping and catching up on all my favorite Netflix shows. It sounded boring to some, but considering most weeks consisted of ten, if not twelve, hour workdays, at least six days a week, a day of mindless nothing sounded like perfection.

  And Bennett was ruining all of it for me.

  With a groan, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and got back to work. If I worked until eight, I should be able to put off coming in until at least noon tomorrow. At least then I’d get to sleep in.

  My phone buzzed with an incoming text, and lit up with Miranda’s name and picture as it danced across my desk.

  I grabbed it, already knowing what the text was going to say. She’d been asking me for weeks to spend the night hanging out with her and her husband, Shawn.

  There’s still time if you’ve changed your mind. Open house tonight at Luminous. We’d love to ring in the New Year with you!

  My friend Miranda had been trying to talk me into going to Luminous with her for over a year now. There was no way I was stepping into some kinky sex club. She and her husband might have a fantastic marriage, but I was never going to enjoy being whipped or spanked. Actually, that idea didn’t make me cringe as much as the thought of being bossed around all the time did.

  I was never going to be some man’s doormat. Seeing one woman ruined by a bossy, narcissistic asshole was enough, thank you very much.

  “You’re still here?”

  I flipped my phone over on my desk.

  Bennett stood in my doorway, shoulder propped on the doorjamb. More gloriously attractive than any human should have the right to be.

  “Yes, Mr. Ashby. I’m still here.”

  He glanced at his watch, thick black brows furrowing. “It’s New Year’s Eve. You don’t have plans?”

  “Do you need something Mr. Ashby, or did you just stop by to interrupt me?” I smiled sweetly, taking the bite out of my tone. It wasn’t that I didn’t like my job, or didn’t respect him. I did. I’d worked hard to be promoted to Executive Assistant. I just didn’t think that when I was promoted to the top my boss would end up being such a beautiful prick. He grated me constantly. Sometimes I think he goaded me intentionally, like he was doing now.

  “Has anyone ever thought to teach you manners, Rebecca?”

  “Tried. It never took.”

  “Perhaps we should put that in your employee goals for the new year, then.” He pushed off the door and stepped out of my office. “You may leave when you’re finished.”

  How sweet of him. Giving me approval to leave when I was done with my work. If I didn’t need this job so badly, I would have quit approximately two hours after I was promoted. I’d gone a bit mute when I stood in the doorway to Bennett’s office, meeting him for the very first time in person. I’d worked at his company for six years, but only seen him in passing and during employee meetings. Standing six feet away from him alone was an entirely different, mind-numbing experience. My hiring had occurred through Human Resources when his previous assistant left the position in tears. That should have been a red flag. But I was tough, I could handle anything.

  I hadn’t quite been prepare
d for how stunningly beautiful Bennett was in person.

  Or how rude. It was a gift he had. He’d taken one look at me after I’d introduced myself as his new assistant, sneering as his gaze traveled down my body. Then he arched a brow and said, “And? Your point?”

  He looked down at his phone, pressed a few buttons, and began walking back toward his office when he stopped and turned back.

  He smiled at me then, and he did that strange look that made my stomach feel funny. Warm and tingly. It was the weirdest thing I ever felt and I didn’t like it. Not one bit. When Bennett smiled, I entirely forgot he was my boss. That smile did stupid, silly girl things to me like make me want to stand up and tangle my fingers in his jet-black hair. Or brush my cheek against his jaw that always held just the smallest hint of stubble. It made me want to nibble on his full bottom lip, wrap my legs around his waist.

  Basically, his smile turned me into someone with only baser, animalistic instincts.

  Just one more reason to hate the man. He was sexier than any man I’d ever seen. Not only could I never have him because he was my boss, there was also the realization he’d never find someone like me attractive or good enough for him.

  Not that I wanted him to.

  “Happy New Year, Rebecca.” He disappeared into his office, closing the door behind him. He returned a few minutes later, suit coat thrown over his forearm, glared at me while he walked by, and didn’t say another word.

  Whatever.

  I went back to work. Maybe I’d stay later than eight. Not like I had anything better to do. A recent string of pathetically bad dates had left a sour taste in my mouth when it came to men, and there was no way I was going to Luminous.

  I couldn’t. I might admire Miranda and Shawn’s marriage, their complete devotion to one another, but there was absolutely no way I was going to step foot into the club, even if Miranda had been assuring me for weeks I wouldn’t see anything too extreme on one of their open house nights. From what she’d said, there was absolutely no full nudity allowed, and all the playrooms were closed. It would be a night to get a glimpse of her life in a different way and spend time with friends.

  I loved Miranda. I’d known her for three years, ever since I moved in next door to her. I also loved Shawn, and even though he did crazy, kinky sexy things to Miranda, he was a great guy. Heck, every time it snowed, he was outside, snowplowing not only his own driveway, but also the sidewalk that connected our driveways and then he’d clear mine, as well.

  It muddled my senses when I took the time to think about it. I’d grown up in a house where a man had no problems laying his hands on his wife, whenever and however he wanted. Shawn did it to Miranda but she never once cowered in fear like my mother had. Nor did she turn into a bitter, broken and drunken shrew.

  It didn’t make sense to me, but whatever. To each their own, it just wasn’t for me.

  I worked for two more hours until I reached a decent stopping point in the proposal for the new senior housing community Ashby Enterprises wanted to build on land just a half hour south of Grand Rapids.

  The office building was quiet. All the offices were closed for the night and I trudged through the building, not at all looking forward to a new year. By the time I pulled into my garage and shut the door behind me, I’d stopped and picked up two bottles of cheap red wine. I was getting out of my car when my phone buzzed in my hand.

  I grinned despite myself. Another text from Miranda. She was relentless.

  Just saw you get home. :-) Come on. Come with us. We’ll leave as soon as you’re uncomfortable (if that happens). Shawn and I don’t want you to be alone tonight. Please?

  Another text came in while I was still reading.

  Pretty please? Shawn even says he’ll make you his famous rack of lamb if you join us.

  Damn it. She knew my weaknesses, every single one of them, and Shawn’s culinary skills ranked at the top of them.

  Especially his succulent, melt-in-your-mouth, rack of lamb.

  I ignored Miranda’s text and dropped my phone into my purse and entered my house. Three years ago, when I’d finally saved enough for a down payment on my first home, I was thrilled. Nothing had been more exciting than signing my name on a thousand different documents and then having a set of keys placed in the palm of my hand. I’d finally made it. I’d been successful. I’d finally gotten out of my crappy neighborhood and out of my crappy apartment and broken free from my crappy upbringing. But as I walked through the small mudroom and kitchen, flipping lights on as I went, I didn’t feel all that successful.

  I was alone. Two bottles of wine my only companions for one of the most exciting nights of the year. A night where people set goals and forgot the past. A night when there was nothing but hope and resolutions to be set and hopefully reached. New Year’s Eve was the one night of the year when people resolved to be different, to become better, to be kinder and healthier and more selfless and helpful.

  And me? I was still trudging through life, with nothing ever changing, because no matter how hard I tried, I’d never truly been able to move on from the monster I’d grown up with or the fear he’d put in me from a young age. And even after he disappeared, clearing out our bank accounts before he did so, that fear remained.

  In truth, there was only way to fight your fear, and that was by facing it.

  Before I could second-guess myself or come back to reality, I typed a quick return text to Miranda.

  What do I wear?

  Yes! She typed back. Whatever you’re most comfortable in. Anything goes at Luminous, remember?

  Anything went. Everything went. Despite my reservations, it was hard to ignore when I stumbled into a playroom at Miranda’s one night when I was looking for their bathroom. I hadn’t known anything about their sex life before then, and seeing the mortification on my face had only made Miranda smile. She’d taken the time to explain everything to me, all the devices, the cross in the shape of a giant X that terrified the hell out of me so badly I’d wanted to run away and ignore her forever. And yeah, over the last two years since discovering that room, I’d asked questions. Thousands of them.

  But was I ready to see some of it in person, regardless of how tame she assured me the night would be?

  Couldn’t back out now.

  I dug through my kitchen drawer and took out my corkscrew. I opened the bottle and poured myself a healthy glass, carrying it to my room, already going through my clothing choices in my mind.

  What in the hell did someone wear to a sex club?

  * * *

  Miranda wrapped her hand around my arm and tugged me close to her. “You look beautiful. Love the dress. Is it new?”

  We were walking down the sidewalk toward Luminous, Shawn a step behind us letting us have the illusion of privacy. Snow was in the forecast for the evening and mist drifted in the air around us as we spoke, but I didn’t feel the chill despite my mostly bare legs and arms. Nerves made my blood feel like it was boiling.

  “No.” I smoothed down the short silver dress that hugged my hips and thighs. “I’ve had it for a while, just never had the chance to wear it, I guess.” It wasn’t my typical attire. Bought on a whim, I’d only purchased the sequined, short silver dress because it was on clearance. At the time, I’d figured if I ever attended a Halloween party, I could wear a funky hat and add some fringe and turn it into a sexy, flapper dress.

  The dress was shorter than I remembered. If I bent over, someone could see my crotch. The heels I’d chosen, unrealistically high even for me, wobbled on my trembling legs.

  Now I was wearing it walking into a sex club. Good grief. How in the heck did I find myself in these situations?

  “Well, you look amazing.” She fluffed my caramel highlighted tresses over my shoulder. She handed me a strip of tickets and a white paper bracelet, the kind I wore in college when going
to bars to show who was legal age.

  “What are these?”

  “Drink tickets and a band that designates you as a visitor.”

  “Drink tickets?”

  “Yep. Luminous has a two-drink maximum on all other nights, and the bartenders are really strict about it. We want everyone who comes to the club to be sober and capable giving full consent to anything that happens. But tonight, since only pre-chosen and accepted Doms and subs can play and not all the members, they’re relaxing the rules a bit.”

  To three drinks? Thank goodness, I’d had one before I came. I’d needed the liquid courage just to wiggle myself into the obscenely short dress I was wearing. Two might have been better.

  “Your band is white because you’re a guest,” Miranda went on to explain. God bless her for it. She never grew tired of my questions or my doubts, but was always patient, knowing how much to tell me and when to stop. I assumed the times I looked like I wanted to puke was a good indicator in letting her know she’d gone too far. There were some things I didn’t need to hear. Like how large Shawn’s dick was. It’d taken me a month to look at him without blushing.

  “Mine is pink, which will show everyone I’m a sub and Shawn’s is black for a Dom. Master Dylan wanted everyone who came tonight to be able to easily find people who might be able to answer their questions and since the rules are relaxed along with the drink rules, you won’t be able to tell who a Dom is just by looking.”

  She’d explained the rules to me before. They were archaic and revolting. A sub couldn’t speak unless given permission by her Dom. She had to have her eyes trained on the floor. All of it had made me want to rescue Miranda from the horrifically abusive relationship she was living in. Yet, that was where my problem came in.

  Shawn didn’t seem abusive. Not like my dad had been. Shawn didn’t seem to do anything excessively except for doting on Miranda. He showered her with gifts and trips to spas and masseuses. He was constantly complimenting her, vocally appreciative of her efforts around the house or with dinner. I’d never heard a woman praised as often as he did his wife. She never said a negative word about him, but showered her affection and devotion right back, and if some of that devotion came while she was on her knees, naked, staring at the floor while he lounged on the couch watching the football game, was it really my place to judge or assume the worst?