All The Ugly Things (Love and Lies Duet Book 1) Read online

  I was sentenced in a different county to minimize the notion of getting special treatment, and I’d still gotten a judge he was friends with. Like I had to worry about that. My dad ran campaigns based on his tough on crime approach. It was no wonder he never once tried to save his daughter. It’d ruin what he cared about most—his chance for reelection.

  But did he have to ruin me without a chance at the truth?

  And yet, if he could do all that, get me shipped hours away… what good would come from thinking about it now?

  “No reason.” I took a few more bites before my sour mood spoiled my appetite.

  Just once, I wanted someone to believe me, someone to help me.

  “Ellen?” I asked, and a strange, tingly sensation traveled down my arms as I gathered my courage.

  “What, Lilly?”

  “How do I trust someone new?”

  The worried lines around Ellen’s eyes loosened.

  A day at a time. Moment by moment. Give them chances to earn it before shutting it down.

  I marinated on Ellen’s advice on the mile and a half walk back home. It was early evening and I still had to get home and catch the bus to get to Judith’s, but I had time. My shift didn’t start until nine.

  The air was cooler, not unbearably so, but the days were definitely getting shorter, so I took my time, scanning my surroundings the entire walk.

  Partly because it was smart to do so.

  Mostly because it was too ingrained in me not to. It was the indoctrination from prison that still clung to me like a slime I couldn’t rinse away regardless of how many showers I took.

  Fallen red and orange leaves crunched beneath my feet as I headed up the uneven sidewalk toward my building. A black, rusted Camaro idled at the curb, lights on, three figures I made out in the seats with its T-Top open.

  What I wouldn’t give for another ride in a convertible. My high school best friend, Kendra, used to have a BMW 328i convertible she got for her sixteenth birthday. While I’d adored the Volkswagen Beetle my parents had bought me, I remembered that. The air in our faces, the sun heating our skin when we’d head to the beach at nearby lakes.

  Another life.

  Emotion clawed at my throat as I sighed and looked away from the Camaro. I moved toward my front door only to immediately have to sidestep as it opened. And then I took another step farther away from the man coming out of it. My neighbor. He’d introduced his name to me once. I quickly forgot it. Every time I saw him he made my skin crawl and my fight or flee instinct turn the dial straight to Run!

  This time was no different. As a tendril of panic seized my chest, I pivoted away, blocking my body as he slapped his hand to the metal railing. It wobbled beneath his grip and I flinched when he leaned in.

  “Hey, all dressed up, wanna come hang with my crew? I could use some sexy eye candy.”

  Head straight ahead. Eyes ahead too. Don’t look at anyone you don’t intend to.

  For this guy, I followed the rule. He meant harm. It leeched off him in the way he leered at me and spoke to me. Everything about him gave me the deep urge to get clean.

  “No.” I faced him, shoving my bag of leftovers between us. Better to see him coming at me than at my back. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get inside.”

  “You’re sure?” He lifted a hand, finger moving toward my hair and I cringed, putting more space between us. My heart was an Olympic track star, running at personal record setting speeds. “I could make it fun for you.”

  Bile slid up my throat. I wanted nothing to do with his idea of fun.

  A loud car horn made me jump, and I glanced over his shoulder as he sighed.

  “Yo Manny!” someone shouted from the Camaro. “Get your ass in or get left!”

  “Stuck up bitch,” the guy in front of me, now known as Manny, muttered.

  He slid his gaze down the length of my body, eyes sticking to my breasts and then the tops of my thighs, lip curling with a sick pleasure before he glanced at the car.

  Yeah. I was definitely going to need a shower to wash the feel of him off me. As soon as I could calm my still speeding pulse.

  “Settle the fuck down! I’m making a new friend.” He scowled at me. “Aren’t I?”

  Absolutely fucking not.

  I stood still, glared right back even though it was the worst thing to do. Nothing made a feral dog attack faster than being threatened with eye contact.

  He grinned and nodded once, seemingly deciding something. “Next time, maybe.”

  Like hell. I stood still, waited until he jogged down the sidewalk and jumped into the front passenger seat of the car. It peeled off, smoke and thunder sounding like they left their muffler behind.

  7

  Lilly

  It was a gorgeous day where the Iowa sun couldn’t decide if it wanted to be summer or fall. In the sun, I was sweating in minutes but as soon as I stepped into the shade, the crisp air made me shiver. Classes were almost done for the day. I just had to go to my dreaded accounting class, spend a few hours studying, take a quick nap, and then head to Judith’s.

  Which meant I was focused on my destination and not the world around me, so Angie took me by surprise when she caught up to me, huffing and puffing.

  “I’m out of advice.” I didn’t need this girl who loved her brother so much she wanted to save him to get any closer to me. I lengthened my stride.

  “I’m sorry.”

  She hurried her shorter legs and stood in front of me, hands up, palms facing me. My feet might have stopped moving. Or working. She was apologizing to me? I couldn’t remember if anyone had ever apologized to me.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again, and yep, that was what I thought I heard. “I don’t know you and I don’t know what you’ve been through. What I asked was probably horrible. And you probably don’t want to talk about it at all, and I just, well, I wanted you to know that. I love my brother and I feel desperate. But I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

  I blinked at her, stunned. Her doe-like eyes were wide and she pushed her lips to the side of her mouth like she was trying to stop herself from saying more. But it was her earnestness in her gaze that made my pulse flutter.

  She meant it.

  She felt bad. For me.

  Something stuck in my throat. Felt like a clump of a stale, dried roll I used to force down at prison mealtimes. I choked it down and nodded. “It’s okay. No worries.”

  “It’s just, you’re so beautiful and well, I thought he’d think you’re hot. And to see you, to have heard…”

  Beautiful. Please. I might have been, at one time, in another lifetime. Now I just looked old. Much older than twenty-five and I felt old.

  “Don’t really like talking about it or thinking it.”

  “Right. Right.” Her braids bobbed at her chest as she nodded.

  Curious, I asked her, “So what, you thought some hot chick talking to your brother would set his head straight?”

  Her lip curled and she shrugged before gripping the straps of her backpack. “Better than Mom and me.”

  “You’re something else, Angie, and besides, I’m way too old for him to think that about.”

  “You’re what, twenty-one, twenty-two? That’s not that much older and besides, we started school late so we’ll be twenty in a few months, anyway.”

  Twenty. She probably wasn’t all that different than how I would have been had I been able to go to college. A bit naïve, definitely perkier. It was moments like this when what was taken from me was so glaringly obvious to how it made me different.

  I started walking again. This time, I didn’t mind so much when she stayed close. “Older. Twenty-five.”

  “Wow. You really are pretty.”

  I glanced at her. “And you’re usually quieter.”

  That shut her up and made her look at her feet. Damn. I hadn’t meant to sound so short with her. I opened my mouth to apologize when Angie gripped my arm and yanked us both to a stop.

  “H
oly cow. What’s he doing here?”

  I froze. It wasn’t from her words, but her touch. It was warm, but chilly. Nice but unwanted. I shook off her touch and pulled back. “Who?”

  “Hudson Valentine,” she whispered.

  My shoulders jerked back with surprise as the blood rushed from my face.

  “What?” Here? I scanned the courtyard. How had I missed him? I was always aware of my surroundings.

  You’ve gotta be shitting me. Because there was absolutely no freaking way this was a coincidence.

  And yet, there he was, sauntering across the tree-lined, outdoor courtyard with all the confidence of a man who knew he held power and the same wealth as his father.

  My lip curled as I realized his focus—me.

  “Shit.”

  “You know him?”

  I didn’t speak. I couldn’t figure out why she was blushing and why she was gaping at him like a fish.

  “He’s just a guy, Angie.”

  “Yeah, like the richest guy in Iowa practically.”

  “Seriously?” I took another peek at him. “What are you talking about?”

  He was headed straight for us, sunglasses covering his eyes. His jaw seemed less hard, his posture more friendly. He sauntered in my direction like a man on a mission who had just found his target.

  Me.

  “Lilly,” he said, stopping directly in front of us.

  Next to me, Angie made a choking sound.

  “Who’s your friend?” He smiled at her and held out his hand. Strong hands. Non-callused and nice fingernails. He was built like he could lift a small vehicle but there was no way this guy did manual labor. Not with hands that pretty. I hid mine in a fist. Fingernail chewing habit. “Hi, I’m Hudson.”

  “Angie. And I know who you are,” she whispered, maybe giggled. Kind of a mixture. It was strange and weird but cute. Kind of like the rest of her. “Nice to meet you, Hudson.”

  “You too. And I don’t want to be rude, but do you mind if I have a moment with Lilly?”

  “I mind.” I waved a hand in the air, getting his attention off Angie. I might not have known her, but based on her reaction alone, his presence there would cause questions.

  He smirked at me and then turned a full-watt charming smile on Angie. The poor thing. She didn’t have a prayer of being able to withstand that look. Pretty sure he hypnotized her because she started nodding and was already moving away.

  “Yeah, yeah, no problem, really no problem at all. Bye Lilly.”

  She was almost screeching by the time she left. Like she’d done moments ago, at least a dozen other people were watching him.

  Which meant they were watching me.

  That familiar sensation of ants climbing my skin returned and I scowled at him. “I don’t like having attention on me.”

  His smile faltered. “Okay. Can we go somewhere and talk? I was a jerk the other day and I’d like another chance to explain.”

  “No.” Screw accounting. Angie said she was good at it. Maybe she’d be willing to help. She owed me one, right? But now they were hunting me down at my school? How’d they even know where I’d be? Ridiculous didn’t even begin to describe their intrusion into my personal life. I lengthened my strides, speeding away from both Hudson and the not so sly glances in our direction.

  “I’ll walk with you then.”

  He fell in step next to me.

  Ugh. Of course he’d catch up. At least six inches taller than me, I’d had no hope of getting away from him. I also had nowhere to go. The bus wouldn’t come for an hour yet and I wasn’t walking anywhere near the vicinity of my rundown neighborhood or apartment with Hudson next to me.

  I ducked behind a maintenance shed and beneath a large tree once we were out of the main courtyard. A prickling warmth grew in my chest and spread outward until my body buzzed with it.

  “What do you and your dad want with me?” I pried my fingers off my book bag straps and flung them to my hips. “Why are you here?”

  “We just want to help.”

  “Who says I need it or want it?”

  I did. Both ways.

  A muscle on the side of his nose twitched. I hated I saw it. Hated I was paying that close attention. He was Mr. Valentine twenty-some years younger but a heckuva lot higher on the attractive scale. He also wore an irritated, pained expression I actually enjoyed seeing.

  Most people I saw walking around always seemed too damn happy.

  Not Hudson. At least not in the few minutes I’ve spent with him. He walked liked he carried a grudge and wouldn’t give it up without a fight.

  Without answering my question, he swung out an arm, gesturing to a wood bench under an oak tree. “Can we sit? Please? Just a few minutes and then if you’re totally uninterested, I promise I’ll leave you alone.”

  It was the please that did me in and the genuine expression, almost pleading in his dark eyes. I followed him to the bench, but pretty sure I did it still scowling.

  I sat on the bench with my ass propped at the edge in case he pissed me off and I needed to jump and flee. Prison taught you a lot of things. Few of those were how to relax.

  I was going to have to talk to my therapist about more stress-release exercises next time we talked. I had a feeling I was going to need them.

  “My dad and mom used to be foster parents. I grew up in this wild, loud, crazy home. Kids stayed for years, sometimes only months. We had up to twelve kids at one point and all of it was insanity. But my parents, my mom especially, she loved every minute of it. She had this spirit about her… warm, kind, so damn gracious and understanding.” He paused and shook his head. “It didn’t matter what someone went through in our house, how many times they screamed at her, stole from her, said they hated her. She took it with a smile and would say, ‘I hope someday you look back and always remember how much you were loved within these walls.’”

  My jaw might have been brushing the grass it was hanging so far open. I snapped it closed.

  Hudson didn’t notice. He was in another world, leaning forward, eyes straight ahead. His hands were clasped together, forearms resting on his thighs.

  Damn, he was a good-looking guy. The kind of guy, when I was younger and before I was damaged, I would have wanted to ask me to homecoming if we were closer in age. I bet he played football, too. Baseball or something. He had that look about him, an athlete, competitive.

  But he wasn’t on that bench with me. He wasn’t talking to me. His eyes were tight, pupils almost glazed over. He was somewhere far away, remembering something beautiful that still hurt.

  For the first time in a long time, I wanted to reach out and comfort someone.

  I gripped my book bag tighter and said nothing. But it hurt. It hurt a lot not to give that to him.

  He continued anyway and I wasn’t sure if he still knew I was sitting next to him.

  “Mom and Dad.” His soft smile tipped up his lips before he cleared his throat. “They had all this love to give and share. I’m pretty sure they could feed every homeless and needy person in the world, and it wouldn’t have been enough to give. They came from pretty ugly scenarios and Dad always swore, said he remembered doing it when he was twelve, that someday, he’d be in a position to help others escape their situations and he’d give them somewhere safe and warm to lay their heads. Mom was all in.”

  “They sound like beautiful people.” I didn’t recognize my own voice as the words slid out without thought.

  “They are. Or were. Mom died seven years ago.”

  “I’m sorry.” And I was. My tears burned, pricked at the back. His mom sounded like an angel and my own wasn’t horrible, just beaten down and weak.

  “We miss her. All of us do.” He cleared his throat again. “After… well, after she died, Dad quit fostering kids. He didn’t feel it was right to do it alone, not at his age with his kids now grown. I might have said it wrong, but I wasn’t lying. He gets off on helping others. It’s his drug, gives him this high, and he’s been lost fo
r a while, figuring out what to do, how to help.”

  “So he chose me.”

  “Yep.”

  “Why?”

  He turned to me, eyes so dark they were almost black glinting with emotion and sunshine and shrugged. “That’s his story to tell.”

  Irritation was a pulsing, living thing beneath my skin. “That’s not a good enough answer. You’re asking me to take a chance and no offense, but I’ve already rolled the dice once or twice and it hasn’t ended up that well for me.”

  “I know.”

  He didn’t. There was no way he could.

  But the way he looked at me. The intensity in those dark eyes along with the firm cut of his jaw. My gaze narrowed. There was another twitch in his cheek. Something icy bubbled in my stomach.

  Unknown and heady, it stole my breath, and I couldn’t look away until he continued. “Dad has lots of connections. He knows where you’ve been. But he has a gift, and he’s never been wrong. He sees something in you he likes.”

  He knows where you’ve been.

  He didn’t mean school or the diner.

  They knew.

  I jumped from the bench. Conversation over. They’d looked into me? How fucking dare they.

  “What’s he like so much? My prison tats?” It was a flippant joke said with all the venom of an inmate who’d had years to hone my self-protective skills.

  Hudson, undeterred, spoke slowly. “No. He sees your heart. Who you could have been and should have been. He wants to help give that to you.” He stood then, swiped his hands down the front of his black dress pants. “Be stubborn. Be a fool and throw away the first pure hand that’s reached out to hold you in maybe forever, but that’d make you an idiot. And Dad didn’t think you were that, either.”

  If he’d slapped me, it couldn’t have stung worse than the insult. “And he’s never wrong?”

  “Not about this.” He shrugged, slipped his hand into his back pocket and held out their card. Their stupid freaking business card I already threw away twice.