Remembering Us Read online

  “How did you find this place?”

  I can’t seem to pull my eyes off the rocks and the water below us to the man next to me. My voice sounds dazed. I feel dazed.

  “We found it last summer. Zander and Kelsey like to come here.”

  I make a face and reluctantly pull my eyes to his. His knees are bent and his arms are wrapped around them, one hand lightly holding on to the wrist of his other arm.

  He doesn’t watch me take him in, but I do, and I see all of him. His slightly crooked nose, deep set honey colored eyes that have the ability to light up like the sun and turn as dark as mud, striking cheekbones, and his unshaved scruff that I long to run a fingernail across to see if the brief memories I’ve had of him kissing me are true.

  Will I still feel him on my skin even when he isn’t there?

  I linger on him, breathing him in, and revel in the fact that I know he’s letting me look. I can see his pulse thumping at the bottom of his neck as he stretches it to the left and right, popping it before he stays still again, and bites the inside of his bottom lip.

  I can’t help the thoughts anymore, and I’ve long since given up on trying to.

  I stare at the pictures in our apartment, and when I close my eyes at night, I try to remember how he looked in my dreams when he pushed me against a wall and made love to me. Kelsey called him sex on a stick.

  I simply think he’s sexy in a dangerous sort of way.

  We haven’t done anything except hold hands since that day he kissed me in the kitchen, but at night when we say good-night, I see the lust and war in his eyes as he debates whether or not to lean in and brush his lips against mine.

  Some nights I duck into my room quickly just so I don’t see the look of disappointment in his eyes when I turn my head away a second too soon.

  I shake my head, clearing my lustful and ridiculous thoughts out of my head.

  “How often did we come here?” I ask, my voice sounding a little bit dry.

  Adam turns to me slowly, a lazy grin on his face when he sees my cheeks flushing from the heat of checking him out.

  “With them or alone?”

  His voice pours over me like chocolate fudge. Thick and dripping with innuendo that I can’t ignore.

  I look back to the public springs and back to him.

  “You’re kidding.” We did not have sex here. There’s no way I would do something so risqué, so completely open to the public where anyone could walk by and see. “Aren’t you?”

  He raises and lowers one shoulder and raises his eyebrows. “What do you think?”

  I stare at the water as if it holds the answers. There’s no way.

  “I wouldn’t do that,” I say quietly, doubtfully.

  But I can feel something unfurling in my belly like an animal slowly waking from a season of hibernation. I feel the heat rise from my chest up to my cheeks, and at the same time, even my fingertips feel like they’ve touched a fire’s flame.

  “Would I?” I ask with wide eyes.

  Adam simply smiles and shrugs. “Would you? Ice Princess Amy may not have,” he says, and gives me a challenging grin - a knowing grin - and the heat in my stomach increases. I watch a memory dance across his eyes as if he’s lost in ecstasy. From what he’s implying, he may be. “But would you?”

  I feel the implication pressing against me down to the tips of my toes. The Amy I was before him is gone, and in its place isn’t a new Amy, just me. The girl I am with him. I stare at the water, boring my eyes into the misty fog as if willing an answer to appear out of the air. It doesn’t, but by the way Adam is smiling at me, I already know the answer.

  We had sex here. We made love in this very place. I choke softly on the thought and Adam laughs once, a deep sounding husky laugh when he realizes I’ve come to the right conclusion even if I don’t have the memory.

  This is wild and it’s not me, but it is. This is something the girl who goes to rock concerts and works at Hooka’s and lives in an apartment with mismatched furniture would totally do.

  I can almost see myself freely taking off my clothes and jumping in the water just to seduce the man next to me. I can see it as though it’s happening in front of me. I can feel Adam’s hands on my hips, while I straddle his lap and rock against him, pushing him into the rounded edges of the rocks. I hold onto him for balance and bite his shoulder to keep from crying out too loudly and risk being heard or seen.

  I shake my head back and forth, but the thoughts don’t clear.

  If it’s not a memory what is it? A fantasy? Something I want to do with him or something I’ve already done?

  “Are you ready for lunch?” he asks with humor in his voice. It takes me another second to blink back my visions.

  I turn to him, almost afraid of what he’ll see in my face; scared that desire and lust will be so blatantly tattooed onto my skin.

  When he catches my eye, he simply smirks and hands me a sandwich.

  “I want to go in,” I stand up and brush the crumbs from my eaten sandwich off my lap.

  Adam raises one eyebrow. “In your clothes?”

  I shrug, and look from the water back to him. “Why not?”

  He looks to the rocks with an expression I don’t understand on his face, but he’s not happy about me wanting to go down there.

  “I don’t think we should,” but his voice sounds far away.

  “Then stay here, but there’s no way I can’t go test the water.”

  I don’t understand the sudden hesitation after just twenty minutes ago he was teasing me about sex in the hot water. It’s obvious we’ve been in them before and the trek down isn’t long, or dangerous looking.

  He huffs out a frustrated breath and uncurls his body from the ground, standing next to me after kicking off his shoes.

  “Lead the way.”

  I take a step back from Adam’s outstretched hand and kick off my shoes. Then I cross my arms in front of me and grab the bottom of my tank top, grinning while Adam’s eyes widen slightly and his cheeks pale.

  I quickly remove my shirt and stand in front of him with nothing on but my yoga shorts that barely cover my rear-end and a lime green sports bra. While he’s distracted by the half-naked sight of me, I take a few quick steps around him and begin cautiously climbing down the rocky side.

  “Wait up,” he snaps, and reaches for me. “Let me help you.”

  I glance back at him and see concern in his eyes and something a little darker I don’t understand. His hand on my elbow is tight, almost too tight.

  “Adam?” I ask, an unspoken question in my eyes.

  He shakes the darkness away and takes a deep breath. “Just let me help you.”

  I frown, and then nod slowly, stepping onto a large boulder while he moves in front of me. I follow him step by step onto the rock, the entire time he keeps looking back at me, telling me where to put every step.

  The water is so amazingly warm that I moan as soon as I wiggle my toes in it. Adam is already in and the water is just above his knees, about as deep as a hot tub. It doesn’t look like it gets any deeper.

  “I still can’t believe I’m in a hot springs,” I say with a large smile on my face as I step in and walk to Adam.

  I’m close enough he could wrap his arms around me, but he doesn’t.

  I don’t know if I’m disappointed. Or maybe the heat from the water and the steam is turning my brain to mush.

  I take a few steps away from him, peering out over the edge of the water. The magnificence of being surrounded in the mountains calms me like always. I feel a breath full of stress leave me, and my shoulders relax.

  I jump when I feel Adam’s warm hands on my shoulders, massaging them lightly. He pauses until I relax and then moves them again. His thumb lightly puts pressure on the knots at the back of my shoulders and my head rolls forward. I bite my bottom lip to hide a moan.

  “Just relax,” he says softly, and my body listens instantly.

  We stand there, for who knows how long, as
his hands do nothing more than move against my shoulders, relaxing my knots and heating my insides at the same time. I’m about to turn around, to test the power of his kisses again, when I feel his warm breath on my shoulder and the crook of my neck.

  His tongue hits my skin first, wetting it lightly, and sends a jolt straight to my lower my stomach right before his lips press against my skin. I feel the goose bumps ignite all over me and I freeze.

  Adam stops and I feel him pull away, but good god, that’s the last thing I want him to do now.

  I shake my head and whisper, “more,” and then his hands are pressing against my shoulders more tightly and his lips are back on my skin.

  He kisses a path from my neck down to my collarbone and then back up to the soft flesh behind my ear. I couldn’t contain the breathless moan that escapes my lips if I wanted to. And I’m not sure I want to hide my attraction to him anymore.

  That slow awakening that occurred earlier in the afternoon has now erupted into an out of control wildfire.

  I know the only thing that can stop it is more of this - more of Adam’s lips on my body and his hands moving to parts that he hasn’t yet touched.

  “Adam,” I breathe out huskily, and turn around so I’m facing him.

  His arms pull me tight to him until his arms are wrapped tight against me. My cheek is pressed against his chest and I long to feel his skin beneath his shirt. To feel my hands on him like his hands are on mine, and to see if I wield the same power of him that he does me.

  I pull my head back so I’m looking directly at him. He looks at me through hooded lashes as I peer up at him through mine. I don’t hide my reaction to him.

  Maybe I should.

  Maybe I shouldn’t want him as badly as I do right now, and maybe this is all going to end up being one big mistake and push us further apart, but I don’t care.

  My hands go to the edges of his shirt.

  I watch him flinch as my hands connect with his hips, lightly brushing across the firm muscle right above the waistband on his shorts, but he doesn’t stop me. I push his shirt up, and just as I can’t move it anymore, his own hands help me finish pushing it over his head before his hands go back to my hips. I can feel the heat from his skin searing through my own shorts, straight into me as if his fingers are branding me. Claiming me as his.

  I lick my lips and press them against his skin.

  It’s the first kiss I’ve given him and my own skin heats as I move my lips slowly against his muscled chest that flexes underneath me. His abs tighten and release, and I feel his fingers dig deeper into my hips, but he doesn’t move.

  He doesn’t pull me to him and take me and he isn’t pushing me away.

  Every muscle in his body is coiled so tightly in him that I can see the veins sticking out and running from his wrists all the way up his arms. He’s breathing deeply and I’m sure it’s matching my own breathing.

  “Adam,” I say, but it’s barely a whisper. It sounds like begging, pleading to my own ears. I don’t care. I don’t know what’s come over me. Maybe the springs are drugged with pheromones and it’s only because we’re here, in this place and half-naked, that makes me want him so much. He doesn’t take his eyes off me.

  “Tell me what we did here before.”

  My eyes move to look over his shoulder. I’m almost ashamed of myself. I don’t know this guy – not really – and yet I’m throwing myself at him like a drunken sorority girl. And then the dreams flash in front of me, and my breath hitches. Like Lexi, or Tina, or Britnee.

  Oh my god – how many sorority girls were there?

  I shake my head and close my eyes at the thought, but Adam’s hands tighten on my hips, not letting me move away.

  “What is it?”

  His voice sounds like an angry growl.

  I know without pulling my eyes back to him that he just saw uncertainty and doubt flash all over me. I’m beginning to learn that I can’t hide anything from him. It’s unnerving how he knows me so well.

  “Tell me, Ames.”

  I blink at the rocks over his shoulder, closing off the thoughts of all the girls. But they don’t disappear. Did they all turn to a puddle of mush at Adam’s feet?

  Of course they did. It’s physically impossible to be around him and in his arms without losing your mind and morals.

  I shake my head again, unable to look at him. One of his hands leaves my hip and he cups my chin, pulling my eyes to him.

  “What did you just see?” His eyes are swirling with lust and need and just a hint of frustration. I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want the lust to disappear and be replaced with sighs of anger and grinding teeth.

  “Nothing.”

  “You’re lying. What is it?”

  I sigh and breathe out slowly. My eyes fall to his chest and I almost feel ashamed.

  “I was wondering how many girls there were before me.”

  My voice is as quiet as a mouse. I hate that I’m making him angry when the moment was just so perfect. Adam laughs once, darkly, and my eyes snap back to him.

  His other hand comes to my chin and he cups both my cheeks before pressing his lips firmly against mine. It’s over before I knew it began, and my lips still feel him when he smiles at me.

  “There hasn’t been anyone else since the day I saw you on the lawn.”

  It’s not lost on me that he ignores how many women there were before me. I’m not sure it matters anymore. I’m not sure anything matters except the fact that I suddenly don’t want Adam’s hands to leave my body. Ever.

  His touch is like a drug giving me the best high I’ve ever been on. Not that I’ve ever tried drugs. At least not that I can remember.

  His lips come back to mine, ghosting over my lips with just a hint of a kiss before they land on my ear. His breath gives me shivers.

  “I’m not going to tell you what happened here. When I take you again, Ames, it’s not going to be like this. Not when you’re still doubting so much. The next time I’m inside of you it’s going to be when you remember everything, remember how much you love me, and what it’s like to be mine. What it’s like to be under me and on top of me.”

  I don’t know what he’s saying and I don’t know if I even asked him a question. All I know is that suddenly I don’t doubt him at all. But that’s not me talking. I do doubt him. I doubt us. I’m just full of lust and wanting him right now.

  I sigh, shaking my head, and know that he’s right.

  And even though it takes every single measure of control I possess, and then some more, I take a step out of his arms.

  “You’re right. We should probably go.”

  My head hurts. How do I stop this? My fingernails dig through the grass and claw at the dirt, trying to find my cell phone. I have to call someone. He can’t get away with this. I won’t let him.

  How dare he think he can do this to me?

  Sweat drops into my eyes and I wipe it away with the back of my hand. My hand moves to my jeans to wipe off the sweat and the dirt, but I catch a glimpse of my hand in the moon light.

  I gasp, my body shaking, tears falling down my eyes instantly.

  Blood.

  I wipe my head again and I cringe at the pain on my cheek and the side of my head that I didn’t feel before. When I pull my hand back again, there’s more blood.

  It’s everywhere.

  All over my face and on my shirt that is ripped open just above the stomach. My tears fall harder, my sobs grow louder as I try to make it stop, pushing it away from my face, out of my eyes, but it’s just making it worse.

  “Amy!”

  I snap my head in the direction of Adam’s voice.

  He’s running toward me, reaching for me, but as he opens his mouth to yell again, someone jumps on his back, punching him in the side.

  Adam leans forward, using his weight to throw the stranger onto the ground. He jumps on the man’s chest and raises his fist, punching the guy right in the nose. The man cries out, but Adam doesn’t stop.


  He uses both fists, punching him over and over again, until the man’s head is flopping back and forth. There is no noise coming from him, just the sound of bone hitting bone. It echoes into the night air.

  Blood flies everywhere, and yet I can’t take my eyes away from him.

  Adam turns to me, an evil expression on his face, and then goes back to pummeling the unconscious man on the ground.

  He’s going to kill him.

  Ignoring the pain on the side of my head, I crawl to my feet, forgetting about the phone or getting help.

  And then I run.

  “Damn it! That is not what happened!”

  I flinch from the anger in Adam’s voice and lean away from him.

  My arms are crossed protectively across my chest, and if I lean any further away from him my chair will tip over. I’m shaking. The dream is terrifying.

  I woke up yesterday morning sweating and screaming so loud that Adam came rushing into my bedroom, his eyes wide and feral. I scrambled to the corner of the bed and threw my hands out.

  With tears rushing down my face, I screamed at him to leave me the hell alone.

  He looked broken as he stood there, unable to help me, but obviously wanting to.

  But I could only see Adam’s fists flying and blood from an unknown man splattering him all over his face.

  He didn’t even notice.

  We were doing so well. We had such a good week on our date for lunch and on the hike. We even spent time watching movies together and laughing at the same parts.

  And then the dream ruined it all.

  Dr. Jamison turns to us, hands clasped softly in her lap. She looks at me and her eyes soften. “Amy, I know this is difficult. I know you’re scared and confused, but you said yourself that you had a really good week with Adam before this dream. Should we talk about that first?”

  I shake my head, staring out at the once again empty playground.

  Dr. Jamison presses on. “Tell me about the picnic.” My foot starts tapping quickly, nervously, on its own accord. I hear Adam sigh and I flinch when his elbow touches mine.